


My thoughts are empty I feel like I have no story

by DarknessTurnsMeOn



Series: Bruises [4]
Category: Avengers, Bucky Barnes - Fandom, Captain America, Iron Man - Fandom, Marvel
Genre: Domestic Violence, F/M, Reader-Insert, stark reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2019-01-04 12:16:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12168717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarknessTurnsMeOn/pseuds/DarknessTurnsMeOn
Summary: Seeing bruises on his baby sister’s body is driving Tony Stark crazy. When she tries to deny way too quickly that her violent jerk boyfriend hit her once again, he immediately deduce that she’s lying. He helps her to rebuild her life when she breaks up with him and also think of introduce her to his Avengers fellows (and let’s be honest maybe set her up with one of them) in order to move on with her life.





	My thoughts are empty I feel like I have no story

**Author's Note:**

> Please don’t read if you’re under 18. It’s a tough and hard subject and I think that it’s better that adults read it. I’m not gonna check on your age, I’m trusting you, and I’m not your mother, I just hope you’re gonna respect it. Domestic violence is not normal, don’t let that happen even once because it’ll happen again, run away or go to the police or call special numbers for domestic violence.
> 
> Song of the title : All You Know, Earlyrise

 

Trying to have a normal life again is not easy, but though I’m trying. For the moment Steve brought me back from Wakanda to New York I try. He brought me back here almost a year ago, I try to deal with the new century, my new arm and the trigger words in my head. If T'Challa and his doctors managed to give me a new left arm a few weeks after Tony blown it up while Steve and I fought him, unfortunately for the words, he didn’t manage to remove them from my brain, so I have to live with it for the moment.  
  
So I try, Tony and I are not specially friends, but at least we don’t try to kill each other when we’re in the same room. I also tried to see if I could have a normal life, like back in the day, having a girlfriend or at least a lover. I tried things with Natasha, there was some attraction between the two of us, and as she reminded me, it started in the Red Room, a long time ago. But things didn’t work out, we spent our time to argue, making up in bed, and I must say that she’s amazing in bed, but something was missing, something deeper, love maybe. I have affection for her, but it’s not love. She’s dating Sam now, and it seems that he gives her everything that I can’t, love, affection, and a stable relationship without nightmares and all the painful memories. After all, who would love me now, I’m a monster, a heartless cold-blood murderer, a brainwashed assassin who scares the hell out of everyone.  
  
I still have nightmares, have them since I escape from HYDRA three years ago. Night terrors. They tried to give me something for that but it hardly works and most of the time, Steve ends up to sleep in my room to wake me up. A few times, he finished the night with bruises on his face because I punched him in my sleep. I also wake up with some bruises, hitting myself in my sleep. It’s almost always the same dream, HYDRA taking me back and forcing me to kill all the people in the tower by activating my Winter Soldier mode with the trigger words. Many of the tower’s workers avoid me when they can, it means almost all the time. They think that I’ll kill them just because they’re looking at me, I’m not like that, I didn’t kill anyone since I escape HYDRA. The Winter Soldier is not who I am, he was a cold merciless assassin, I’m just a lost human. I know that I’ll never be the one I was seventy years ago, the man I was before the war. Steve can’t accept it, Steve doesn’t want to accept it, but he’ll have to. I’m not the Bucky Barnes I was before the war anymore, I’m not the Winter Soldier anymore, I’m something, someone in between. Nor James Barnes, nor the Winter Soldier, I’m a brand-new man, I have to learn how to live as such.  
  
Every week, Tony checks on my arm to be sure that nothing goes wrong with it, that it works well and to check on the memory therapy he started with me. I don’t really understand that process, he shows me pictures, makes me listen to sounds of back in the day, but it doesn’t really work. I recognize some music, songs, places, but my personal memories are still buried somewhere inside of me, just a few insignificant details. I don’t remember anything of my family except their names. I can’t remember the sound of my father’s laugh, the smell of my mother, the voice of my little sister Rebecca. Tony says it’s going to come back and that he’s ready to help me to remember my old life even if we are still not friends and that I know that he’ll never forgive me to have killed his parents. Steve watched over me at the beginning during the sessions, but then, Tony asked him to leave because he was interrupting every two seconds. So as usual, I’m walking towards the usual lab when I hear voices coming from the room Tony usually wait for me.  
  
“I’m an adult Tony, stop wanting to control my life. I’m a big girl, I can handle myself !”, a woman’s voice scream. “And besides, you’re not my father.”  
“You still don’t understand, you can’t go back and stay with him, what will happen next ? Someone is going to call me to say that you’re lying in a hospital bed, with something broken ? Or maybe to tell me that you’re in coma ? Or worse, dead ?”, I hear Tony screaming back at her.  
“Let me go ! You don’t understand, I can’t leave him.”  
  
And at the moment I least expect it, a young woman bursts outside of the lab and runs in the corridor, her head dimmed towards the floor, not looking where she’s running. I don’t even have time to step out of the way, she bumps in my shoulder and almost finishes her race onto the linoleum. I just have time to catch her arm and put her back on her feet.  
  
“Are you okay, ma'am ?”, I ask her, detailing her features.  
  
Not really tall but not so short, shorter than me that’s sure, Y/H/C hair, plump pink kissable lips and big sad brown eyes. Howard’s and Tony’s eyes, filled with tears.  
  
“Yes, thank you”, she says just before rushing back to the elevator.  
  
I resume my path to Tony’s lab, to find him his head between his hands, his elbows on his desk, visibly pissed.  
  
“I can come back later if you want me to”, I say as soon as I enter the room.  
“Yes, do us a favor, and do that, come back later”, he replies.  
  
I exit as fast as my legs allow me and head to the living room where Steve, Peter, Natasha and Sam are sitting on the couch in front of the television, an odd habit that I still don’t understand.  
  
“Hey what are you doing here ?”, Steve asks, seeing me taking the seat next to his. “Aren’t you supposed to be with Tony inside the lab for your memory session and the check of your arm ?”  
“I was, but, he dismissed me, he seemed pretty pissed by something”, I answer him.  
“What something ?”, Sam questions.  
“More like someone, actually. I don’t really know a girl”, I reply.  
“What does she look like ?”, Peter demands without turning his head, eyes still glued to the screen.  
“Y/H/C hair, brown eyes”, I say, remembering how sad her gaze was.  
“Oh, that’s Y/N, she’s Tony’s little sister”, Steve simply states.  
“Tony has a sister ?”, I ask, shocked by the fact that I never knew that.  
“Yes, and she’s damn hot”, Peter adds from his spot.  
“She has some problems with her boyfriend”, Nat suddenly says. “That girl looks almost always sad, I feel so bad for her, poor little thing. Tony tries his best to make her leave him, but it seems she doesn’t want to or that she can’t do it”, she adds sadly.  
  
After they all turn back to the show they’re watching, I can’t keep myself to think about the poor girl I crossed in the hallway and the sad look on her face.


End file.
